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Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 566

Unfortunately was not in the best of moods since last 2 days. I guess i have found out something which i was dreading and its not made things well. There is nothing wrong with me physically. I do not have a fever or something like that. But certain aspects of my life, which i am trying to deal with, seems to have got worse than what i expected. Its hurt me. And no matter how much i try to push it away, it seems to come up more strong than before. Got real bad dreams. Head starts paining. Feels like i shouldnt stay home and just stay out for as long as i can. I wish i could spend the entire day in my office but due to logistical constraints, i cant go before my scheduled work time and i cant stay back after my scheduled work time. 2 of my best friends are going through certain mentally taxing times in their own space, so i cant even call them at random and just speak out and feel better. And to be honest, how much should i expect anyone to leave their things aside and help me out. Truth is, i need to find my own way. As i keep saying, if my personal life was even half of how my professional life is, the contents of this blog would have been totally different.
I keep thinking, what a life. Everything i didnt anticipate or even thought, hypothetically would happen, has already happened in my personal life. All my life, i was only guided(wrong and right) on how to manage my work life. No one ever guided me on my personal life. No one comes to this world, having all the answers. Everyone learns and most of the times they have guides helping them. Guides could be in form of teachers, friends, spiritual leaders, managers etc. It could be professional or personal front.
God has been extra kind to me by giving me the best support i could get in my professional front.
But God has been late in my personal front.
I am not blaming anyone for anything. Maybe i did get guidance but i didnt heed it.
And as the days go by, all i am doing is learning.
Each day has only been learning experience.
Work was usual. Once a month on a saturday, there is, always, an event in the office. It could be a big order of food, on the house. A dance and sing competition. Anything which has loud music and lights. This month was dancing and singing. Both things, i detest doing. So with all the fun and frolic, i stayed out and was just enjoying the nice windy weather. When it was time to start work, no one was in the mood and being a saturday, it was given that the efficiency would be at an all time low for the month. I tried my best to match the output given during the week, but somehow, due to sytstems issue and also due to the sombre mood, it was not possible. Guess this is a part of professional life. You cant, as they say in cricket, hit a century every time you go to bat.After work, a friend of mine called up. Now this friend is someone i know since 1st day of school. We lived in the same locality, practically went to school together. Even our dads went to school together when they were young.
He has been in USA for nearly a decade now and this is the first time in a decade that he has come back to Bombay. We went to a restaurant opposite my house, had a couple of drinks and spoke about the good ol' days.
Although we have always been in touch due to MSN messenger, emails and facebook. Its a totally different experience when you meet in person.
I came home after that and hit the sacks. Yes, i was still low about what was happening in my personal life. And it was bad because i woke up at 9 AM on a sunday morning still feeling low. Scrooge and me decided to watch Bheja Fry 2 at Regal. It was good going to a single screen theatre after years, nearly 3 years. The movie was decent but somehow, the low feeling never went.
Came home, and surfed the net (Not facebook though) and went to sleep for 3 hours. Had pizzas for dinner.
And now, i will go back to sleep after finishing the blog.

At this stage i have to tell anyone who is reading my blog, that i will be off facebook for a while now. I will be, even off, my mobile phone for a while.
I will try and update my blog as regularly as i can, but again, they keyword is TRY.
Should anyone want to be in touch, shoot me an email or SMS me. I will reply if and when i am in the right mood.
And please do not try to contact me on my home phone number. Reason --> Its a very very very rare possibility that i may even be at home. Barely a handful of people will know where i am, and i intend to keep it that way.
And for my beloved...

Heartbeat,Heartbeat, what do you bear me now ?
You hurt me, desert me in my darkest hour.
Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Why do you keep me here ?
How help but admire her beauty ?
Standing on the line between desire and duty,
Heartbeat, Heartbeat, it'll end in tears.
I need a lover when love is such dangerous place to be.
If we were meant for each other then why don't you answer me ?
Don't keep me waiting, you know I long to be by your side..
We could even by together tonight..

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