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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Early Day 480

Its been 3-4 days since Mum's no more. I feel a vacuum in my life. Yes, i had a lot of confrontations with mum. Yes, she was not the most easiest person to live with and at times i must have said a lot of nasty things as well, but it was more in the heat of the moment and obviously i didnt mean a word of it. Not to mention that at times even i am more or less same and mum must have behaved the same way with me as i did with her. But at the end of the day, i owe my existence to her. I am a part of her body and i will never forget that. In the last 2 odd days, i have had so many friends and family members calling me, messaging me, meeting me in person to offer condolences. Some of them are visibly superficial but most of them are heart felt. I did leave my current ob so that i dont do any more odd hours shift and concentrate on spending quality time with mum and also indulge in some soul searching. Of course, with the twist that this life has taken, i will never be able to do the former but i can surely do latter. In this retrospect, there have been so many people, just about giving me all kinds of advice. On what needs to be done on my personal and professional front. Some of them, i dont care and i just take their opinions on board. Some of them, mean well, but since they are not in my shoes, i respect their intentions but i would rather do my own soul searching.
The great spiritual soul, Gautama Buddha once said , "Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.."
I am not even a speck of dust of that noble soul.  I may not be able to do everything that has been said by these great souls. I may fail, but i can atleast make an attempt to walk that path.
While speaking about all this, i can only say that, in a nutshell, i am a human being. I am as prone to make mistakes and have all the emotions as the person next door. But i will surely say that if, even remotely, i have said or offended anyone or hurt someone, unintentionally or intentionally, i humbly, seek forgiveness. Similarly, for anyone, who may have done the hurt me, said anything offensive about me, i forgive that person wholeheartedly. I dont wish to hold grudges against anyone i know ever. If i have any difference of opinion with a person, i will rather take a back step than go in an argumentative mode. If i find a person is not courteous and rude, i will forgive the person and try and ensure that i gain the love of that person. If that person does not wish to reciprocate, i will still not have any hatred towards him / her. In short, this is my truth.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Dear....I know what all you mean to say....In India..everybody is a good doctor and adviser..Do what your heart says and engross yourself in soul searching...it'll surely open the door towards many things in life....

    In regards to you...I would say that you're an awesome human being and a great friend.

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  2. thanks sweets.............means a lot coming from u

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